Wednesday, June 20, 2012

To The Stars: Introduction and First Chapter


I've taken this post down, as the book is now very different (in its sixth draft), and has gone out to beta readers in that form.

I'll post more content here in due course.  Meanwhile, please follow me at my main blog, Bayou Renaissance Man.

Peter

9 comments:

crrood said...

Great work! I read quite a bit and I have to admit, this is not only some of the finest I've seen but also some of the most original and grounded. Keep it up and I'm positive you'll see NYT bestseller list. Thanks for the privilege of reading. From one aspiring author to another.

-Ryan R.

Anonymous said...

I am liking it so far! I especially like the nods to basic space concepts such as planetary elevators and the idea of a planetary brain drain from colonization. Be sure to post when you have the book up on Amazon!

Mike R.

Kelly McCrady said...

Good dialogue, solid scifi. As a professional editor, may I suggest reviewing the text outside of the dialogue and deepening the POV.

We need to be within Vince from the very first sentence, which makes his physical description problematic in that we view him from outside while meeting two characters simultaneously; the reader is unsure whom we're to identify with.

Look at the space around the dialogue as these two old friends catch up. Ground us in the setting with more views of what they do while speaking, and Vince's observations of the body language of the others. It smooths out once Steve joins them.

Dialogue tags such as "more shared laughter" are not working for me. Louie shared in Vince's laughter again, perhaps. Angle it from Vince's POV.

Great start!

Aggie said...

I like it. Carry on!

Don said...

Very nice; I'm hooked already. I would only observe that the dialogue seems a bit stilted. I believe you'll work that out in time.

Dirk said...

Yeah, I'd agree with Don, just a little. Dialog can be difficult - what sounds good in your head doesn't always "sound" good when written.

Despite all that... I want more. A very interesting setting, with some characters I'd like to get to know better. Sounds like you've got your universe pretty well-defined. The chapter here seems to indicate that the book will be mostly about the characters, but I'm looking forward to seeing what they'll be facing as the story unfolds.

(as an aside - Captcha is getting worse and worse. I had to reload about 20 times before I found some words/numbers I could confidently make out)

Anonymous said...

Easy to get into.
Looking forward to seeing where the story carries Steve and Vince.

Luke said...

That was really good. The second half was noticeably better than the first and it was pretty good overall. I do agree with some of the comments above regarding POV and descriptions, and I wonder if you can make better use of imagery rather than blatant descriptions. For instance, is a detailed description of the uniform neccessary this early on? Wouldn't it be better as perhaps the character being described as being in a militarists uniform with the details fleshed out in dialogue, perhaps as an explanation to the kid once he's on the ship.

I also find "old-home-earth" a little cumbersome and reminiscent of really old-school scifi. Maybe take some inspiration from Joss whedon's firefly in this regard.

By the way, well done navigating the "data dump" aspects. I think you've done very well.

One thing that I don't understand is why the ship got away. Is there no super luminal communication? Not even with drones that can also jump out-system and then transmit from there? Or is it impossible to predict a ship's jump destination?

Again, this was a really good read and I'd love to buy the finished version once it's done. Please keep it up.

Cheers
Luan - Perth, Australia

Cathy said...

I enjoyed the chapter you posted very much. I agree with other posters that the dialog is a little stilted, I would have used the word stiff. Normal sounding speech is difficult to write, especially when you are trying to set-up as much background through the dialog as you are. It will come with time and experience. Please let me know when more of the book is available to read. I'll be checking the blog for it.